It's the article you've all been waiting for - RESUME TIPS! Never has ANYONE written something like this before, and I'm here to blow your gosh darn MINDS with these sweet tips.
Lolol in all seriousness ... I've been helping people HEAPS recently with resume tips and tweaks that are seriously SO simple, I thought it'd just save me buttloads of time if I share them with everyone here.
**Disclaimer #1 - these tips are totally subjective, and everyone is different. This is why the job world is so bloody confusing for people that don't work in it every day like me. Soz!
**Disclaimer #2 - these are general tips, and don't always apply to all jobs. Don't @ me.
1. KISS - Keep It Simple, Shithead
(Is that the way the saying goes? Hmmm ... anyways). No recruiter wants to spend their 8 hour day reading just ONE resume. My gawwwwd, I barely like to spend 10 seconds of my day reading one. Also, I hate having to scroll. I want to put in the least amount of physical and mental exertion possible so I can continue to screen the other 1000 CV's in the (virtual) pile as quickly as possible. I've seen some resumes that are literally a biography (yikes). A very boring 10-page novel that I did not sign up to read. Gross. I want something I can quickly scan without having to move my eyeballs too much, and that does my job for me (aka has all the info I need to feel confident you can do the job front and centre on page 1.) Keep it to 2 pages maximum. I hardly ever scroll past page 1 or 2 when doing an initial screen. Make sure you expand the most on the jobs that are the closest match to the one you're applying for, and the other jobs can just be a quick sentence. You want your resume (and the 1st page in particular) to scream "I CAN DO THE JOB YOU HAVE ADVERTISED BECAUSE I'VE DONE IT BEFORE!" Anything over 5(ish) years ago ... just literally summarise it at the end. I don't really care what you did 10 years ago. Me, personally ... I was a completely different person 10 years ago, and I would hope I have grown a lot since then ... I would hope. I would really hope.
SURE in the interview - I like to delve DEEP into someone's past, and explore all the nooks and crannies 😎 , but when resume screening I do NOT and I SIMPLY REFUSE to read past about 5 years of experience.
2. Stop Trying To Be Posh and Buzzwordy
Yes, I'm looking at you Mr "Can-Do Attitude". Who really has a "can-do" attitude? What does that even mean? WELL ... I see "Can-Do Attitude" on someone's CV and I see someone who can't say no, overloads themselves with work, has a mental breakdown and drinks themselves to death shortly after. Farrrrk this just took a grim turn. Anyway, I'm making assumptions that people with "can-do attitudes" are severe alcoholics, and I hate assumptions so ... let us continue.
My biggest tip to people is to just be normal - use words that you'd use in a real-life conversation with a recruiter. No more "enthusiastic team players" or "passionate sales pioneers". Would you really describe yourself like that to someone? Obviously, don't include any crass language (leave that one to me, thanks). But when writing your resume and cover letter, imagine talking to someone at a cafe or the pub about your experience, responsibilities and achievements - then write THAT!
3. Make it "POP", girrrrrrl
You have no idea how excited I get when I see a resume that really looks like someone has put some effort in to make it look nice. I have "shiny things" syndrome where I'm easily impressed and distracted by anything colourful, shiny, sparkly, nice smelling ... I'm fickle like that. But for real, put some effort in to make it look nice. Don't just chuck your "Can-Do Attitude" words in a Word doc in basic Arial font with no headings and nothing bolded. (I just threw up in my mouth thinking about basic Arial-type fonts ...). If you have no idea where to start - hit up Canva! They have buttloads of seriously cool resume templates that you can use FOR FREE! Or get someone to peep it. Someone that will give you some honest feedback. Ask them "Is it boring? Does it look like me?"
Have fun with it - get creative. Don't be afraid to show some personality, friend!
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